How I Got Over Myself

Some days are like this, yes? You wake up determined to feel sorry for yourself and all the hard things you need to do. You see the “to-do list” and even as you are scratching one item off, three more get added. The workload of a stay at home, homeschooling mom is daunting. Add to that the burden of those who work from home as well and you have a potential recipe for a pity party. Here is how I have determined to teach my brain (and my heart and my soul) to reconsider this day and the tasks it holds in a way that will leave me rejoicing, rather than pulling the covers over my head in surrender.

Please read the rest of my latest Heart of the Matter Online Article http://heartofthematteronline.com/2011/06/how-i-got-over-myself/

The Impossiblity of it All

It is no mistake that you are a mom. And it is no surprise to hear that Motherhood is a hard job. And yes, there will be days where the task seems more daunting than you bargained.

But here’s the thing: the perfect place from which to parent is that place where you are at your lowest, crying out to the Lord, saying, “I can’t do this today. Will you be my strength and do it for me? I don’t know how to do this. Will you be my wisdom?”

His answer will be yes. And his solution will be immeasurably better than your attempt.

Don’t be ashamed to admit weakness in your parenting. There is a huge upside to being weak.


Continue reading my latest post for Heart of the Matter Online here.

Getting to Know My Kids

Having seven children has done wonders for my memory. There are so many things to remember about kids: Birthdays; shoe sizes; favorite color; what grade they are in (*ahem*); and what color they are wearing when we go to a crowded park so I can pick them out of a crowd like a paranoid mother counting to seven approximately every 3 minutes might need to do (*ahem* again).

But here is what I’ve been noticing lately: I can know things about my child without really, really knowing them. Does that make sense? There are lots of basic facts about them that help me keep health and safety matters in check, but what about knowing them well enough to help them thrive?

Proverbs 22:6 is familiar territory for most of us. It reads: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Good to know. But what does that mean? For some of us it means simply raising them in a Christian home, trusting that once we’ve instilled a faith in their hearts, they won’t walk away from the Lord as they get older.

For some of us, it means teaching and training them according to their specific, God-given gifts and abilities so that they can walk on the vocational path God intended for them.

The question remains, how do we know our kids well enough to point them down that road? I can know their vital statistics and never *really* know them well enough to direct them well.

Please read the rest of my latest Heart of the Matter Online article here. And then, go and get to know your kids! ;-)

Battling Depression Part Four

This article is overdue. It was supposed to be submitted to the editor six days ago. And here is why it is late: I’m terrified to write it.

These last three posts have been significantly harder to write than I expected. What I’m finding is that in order to write convincingly and honestly, I have to relive a bit of what I felt in those dark days. I fully expected that it would be a theoretical reliving. What I found was that the darkness loomed much too close for comfort, crossing over from past memory to present threat. This, clearly, was not okay with me.

And so, with one final article to write for Heart of the Matter, and with a book in the wings on which I am working, I am finding the fear of what might be lurking around the corner to be a significant deterrent to getting the job done. I would love to be able to say to you, “I am willing to find myself back in the pit of Despair in order to write this book so long as even one person is helped by it.” But that would be a total lie. There is no part of me that wants to experience that pain again. Not for a moment. Not for you. Not for myself. Not for the sake of my family. Not at all. Period.

Please read my latest Heart of the Matter Online Article here.

Battling Depression Part Two

As time went by, and the darkness didn’t lift, I found myself in a place of desperation. My husband, shortly after the birth of our fourth daughter and approximately 9 months into my depression said to me, “Will I always have a wife who is depressed?” He said it not in an accusing way, nor in a frustrated way: he seemed to be simply trying to prepare himself for what the rest of our lives (and therefore, his responsibilities) might look like. And in that moment I knew something needed to change. I didn’t know what, and I didn’t know how, but I knew, with newly found resolve, that I could not carry on like this for the sake of my husband and children. My husband was (and still is) a very hands-on dad, but he did have a full time job and it was unreasonable for me to expect him to pick up all my pieces too. But where to start? I continued going through the motions of parenting and daily life, and I continued willing myself to get better. I’m sure you can imagine the level of success that brought.

The turning point for me was in June of 2002. During the quiet prayer time at our church’s ladies’ retreat, I read a verse that I am sure I had never noticed in my bible before that day.


Please read Part Two of my Heart of the Matter series here.

Heart of the Matter Online

It is Heart of the Matter time again. Please follow this link to read my latest article, which is actually part one of a series of four.

Building Family Traditions

Sometime near or on December first, our family gets the house ready for Christmas. It has become known as “Tree Day” and it is one of the highlights of our year.

It isn’t anything fancy, really. We go out and buy a fresh tree. Sometimes, we don’t even all go and pick it out together. Most times, my husband goes out, by himself, and with very little pomp and circumstance, brings home a tree. Nothing remarkable about that.

Then we pull out our ornaments and put them on the tree. Now, some families have an ornament for every year that each child has lived, and special ones from special relatives, and memory ornaments of people who have passed on, and some have the crafty ones the kids made when they were little.

We don’t have those.

We have fairly normal, basic, gold and cream ornaments and some ribbon that we wind around the branches. Nothing remarkable about that.

While we are doing the tree, we are listening to Christmas music and eating ‘Christmas foods’. The foods are typically snacky appetizer types that we graze on while we decorate. Chips. Salsa. Cheese. Crackers. Nothing particularly remarkable about that either.

But you know what? This year, my 9 year old said, “I think I like this day almost better than Christmas morning.”

Now that’s remarkable. Why do you think that is?


Please read the rest of my latest Heart of the Matter article here.

What Love Looks Like

You’ve seen the movie: the music swells in the background, the lights darken around the edges with one bright, piercing ray of sun shining in the center of the screen, while a perfectly manicured, make-upped and hair-dooed couple embrace, vowing that *this* is forever.

Or maybe you’ve seen this one: the house is burning to the ground and the stunningly gorgeous, yet humble girl-next-door-type is trapped in the upper floor, having swooned gracefully and fallen in a semi-conscious state to the smoldering ground. With her, seemingly, last breath she calls out the name of the man whom she has, up to this point in the film, scorned, and who, unbeknownst to the citizens of this quaint little town, was a firefighter before he hit the bottle following the death of his first wife, and who, just now, as he realized he was about to lose this woman forever, found the courage to suit up again in the uniform of his former life, swearing off of the Devil’s elixir forever, and climbed into the towering inferno and towards certain death just to see her one.more.time. And as he reaches her in that semi-conscious state, he calls out her name too and lovingly cradles her perfect head in his sculpted arms, and as she flutters her eyes open one last time, she says, “You came back for me” to which he responds “I’ll never leave you again”; then depending on what kind of ending you like in a movie they either die together there in the fire so that their love is never less perfect than it was in that moment, or they leap out of the window into the pillow-like field of forget-me-nots and live happily ever after.

*sigh*

I don't know about you, but this isn't what life in my house looked like this week. To read what love really looked like in my house, click here to read the rest of my latest Heart of the Matter Article.

Accounting, Of Sorts

My husband keeps our books and manages our finances. I love that guy. He has a great analytical, planning mind and it helps us to keep on track and stay on budget. I cannot tell you how helpful that is and how grateful I am to have that kind of structure in our home.

Now, to be sure, he keeps me “in the loop” and takes my input into account with the budgeting: how much do we need for groceries? How much for diapers? How much for curriculum and extra-curricular activities? We discuss our plans and goals for the year and make decisions accordingly. All in all, it is a great system.

And really, the hardest thing he asks me to do is to give him all of my receipts for anything I didn’t spend cash for. Easy breezy, right?

Ha.

See, sometimes I’m very good at putting them on his desk right away. Come home from store: take receipt out of purse: place on desk. Three simple steps. And really, most of my buying is done with cash anyway so the receipts shouldn’t add up in my wallet at all. However, being human, sometimes they do congregate in my purse, and seemingly multiply, until I have a several of them making a crinkly, noisy stash which adds up to a whole lot of anxiety on my part.

Now if you have spent any time reading my blog, you may have discovered that I have an over-active guilt gland. I can feel guilty about things I’ve done, things I might do, things you think I might have done, and really, on a good day, even about things *you’ve* done. I’m a guilt over-achiever. So as the receipts pile up in my wallet, I start to carry a heavy, self-imposed load of guilt. The longer I wait to finally get them out of my purse, the harder it is to do, and then the more receipts there are, and then the harder it is to do, so the longer I wait, and then the more receipts there are, and the harder it is… What a cycle!

Something else needs to be said here before I continue. The receipts in my wallet are not for crazy things. They are not representing some wild shopping spree at a shoe store, or book store, or fast food restaurant. They are not the proof of frivolous spending. They will show that I have purchased gas, groceries, shampoo, a gift for the birthday girl: all things that are budgeted and accounted for.

Also of note, is the fact that my husband has never made a big deal about this. He is not a grumpy guy who is waiting to make me feel bad for being slow in getting him the receipts. I’m not feeling guilty because I know he is going to be angry. He never is.

The guilt comes from .....

Please read the rest of my latest Heart of The Matter Article here.

Tomato-Plant Tenacity

We are gardeners. I can say that now, because we actually have a garden in our backyard and we actually work in it. That makes us gardeners. We have a beautifully designed garden with plots that are big enough to hold many plants, but that are small enough to manage. The garden has good drainage, good soil, and lots of sun. It is well-watered and weeded thanks to my first-born who may indeed have a green thumb. All in all, it has the makings of being a productive little bit of land. I can’t say we are good at gardening yet. Only time will tell, and at the time of this writing the jury is still out. There are lots of leaves and flowers, but not much fruit yet. However, it is only early July as I’m typing, so we’ll have to wait for the real harvest time to prove our worth.

But that lovely set of plots is not even the object of my attention and affection today. You see, in our enthusiasm for this new garden (or was it our lack of faith in our ability to keep things alive?) we bought a lot of tomato plants. A lot. Like, 25. They were tiny, and we figured some of them wouldn’t make it (we were right!) and we figured I really did want to can a lot of tomatoes if they all survived. And so we planted many, many tomatoes in the garden proper. But there were two more that just didn’t fit anywhere.

Or so we thought.

My husband stuck two in to our flowerbeds. Good idea. They get a little less sun there but they will be watered, and the thought was that if something died in the real garden we could transplant over one of these out of the flowerbeds. Good plan.

However, the other day, my seven-year old daughter decided to help weed the garden. And she yanked out “this really HUGE weed!” Um….oops. That was the tomato plant. See the flowers on it? See that it is, in fact, growing in a tomato cage? My eldest quickly tried to salvage the thing by replanting it as best as she could and watered it some more, but it looked pretty sickly. Especially disastrous was that this un-rooting happened at the beginning of a crazy heat wave in our neck of the woods. Even the well-established plants were suffering under the taxing heat. Surely this little guy with his roots all broken would never make it.


Please read the rest of my latest Heart Of the Matter Online Article here.

Scheduling Summer

If you are like our family, at the time of this writing, there are 69 days until school starts again. If that sounds overwhelming to you, then don’t get me started on how few days there are until Christmas!

Sixty-nine days is all at once a lot and not nearly enough days of rest and rejuvenation. Don’t you find that the kids who have been desperate for holidays all spring are bored and out of things to do by August 13th? And all those wonderful friendships in the neighbourhood that we hoped would blossom and grow over the summer break tend to actually wither and rot by the end of July? Maybe that’s not your reality. Maybe summer break for you is all about peace and domestic bliss and self-initiated chores. If so, you should write a book. I’d buy it.

Don’t get me wrong: summer, like the rest of the year, is generally a really smooth sail in our home. The kids get along with each other really well, and we all enjoy the break from the routine of school-books and assignments (and marking!) However, every summer there comes a moment where it is quite glaringly obvious that we have all, myself included, had too much free, unstructured, un-educational time. The bad habits of the neighbours are wearing off on my kids, mild irritations with each other become a bit less mild, and we are all generally looking for a rudder to our boat. What to do? What to do?

On top of that, haven’t we all sat at the dining room table in September listening to our kids ask, “What’s 8 times 7 again?” and then bemoan the incredible lack of retention children suffer over a summer that is devoid of intellectual stimulation.

In light of all that, I have come up with a list of things I’d like to do with our kids this summer. These are a few of the things that I always mean to work into our fall schedule, but they often get bumped by the “real school” stuff of core subjects and easily gradable topics. Maybe you’ll want to try some of these too. Or maybe you have a list of resources you’d like to share in the comments below.


Please read the rest of my latest Heart of the Matter Online article here. And be sure to browse their site. There is a wealth of wisdom there for moms of all sorts! What a talented bunch of contributors they have!

Uphill Both Ways

As Christians, we aren’t supposed to like what has come to be called “the Valley experience”. Am I right? We are supposed to be striving for the mountain-top moments where we shine like a light for Christ, joyful, productive, happy, and showing the world how great our lives are. Right?

Well I agree. There is certainly nothing wrong with loving those parts of life. Certainly nothing wrong with celebrating the Lord’s goodness and providence in those moments where, even if everything is NOT right with the world, we are at least resting, trusting, and glorifying God with our lives, actions and attitudes.

But here is the thing: I think the valley is easier.

“What? No, it isn’t,” you say. “The valley hurts, the valley is dark and sad, and lonely, and sometimes it is the valley of the shadow of death. I don’t want that. I want to say, like Psalm 40, ‘He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay; And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.’ That’s what I want: not the valley”.


Please read the rest of my latest article for Heart of the Matter Online.

Focus, Focus, Focus

I don’t know about you, but there are moments in my day (and days in my week!) where I just feel frazzled, out of control, and clearly scatter-brained! (Can I get an amen?) What’s a gal to do to regain her focus? What’s a mom to do in order to help her kids regain their focus?

I read a brilliant book called Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home by Richard Foster. Actually I’ve read it several times now and each time I am drawn by his conversation on the simple complexity of prayer.

One of my favorite suggestions he makes is to select a “breath prayer” for yourself that you offer up many times a day. Something that is on your heart that can be said in one breath, so to speak. How often do I intend to pray “if only I had more time”. This gives me the ability to pray without ceasing on one matter that will greatly impact my day, and allow me to focus my heart and attentions. (Oh, I wish you would go and read the book. I’m making this sound an awful lot like a chore…he is much more inviting about this…)


Please read the rest of my article for Heart Of The Matter here.

Buying the Lie

My daughter had an appointment with a specialist recently. This doctor is lovely. Truly one of the best physicians I’ve ever had to deal with. She is intelligent, patient, understanding, funny, great with my 3 year old, gentle, encouraging, non-condescending. She has a lot of letters after her name. I won’t even try to understand what they all mean, other than a lot of schooling and a lot of expertise. Along with all of that comes the pay-check, the lifestyle, the wardrobe, the respect, and the pride that accompanies such a career achievement. She is living the dream!

Except…

Once when my daughter was in to see her, this doctor asked me how many children I had. I told her we had seven. She asked if I worked out side of the home. I said no. And that we homeschool. And then she said something I will never forget.


Please read the rest of my latest Heart of the Matter article here.

Heart Of the Matter Article -- Unqualified

In those exciting pre-Christmas shopping days, my family and I went to the mall. Mind you we were not shopping for others…oh no; we were quite happily, selfishly buying a new bedspread for the lovely bed my husband just built for us (yeah!).

But I digress; the shopping isn’t the point. The shopping is only the reason we happened to be out ‘in the world’ where homeschooling moms get blasted. You know that verse in Proverbs 31–”they will praise her in the city gates” –that must not include the local department store.

After a few beautiful comments on the number and appearance and behavior of my children, one lady decided to give me her opinion on the fact that we homeschool. Now I’m used to many categories of comments and criticisms, as I’m sure you are. Typically it is “Oh I could never do that”, “You must be so patient and organized”, ” What about socialization?” and so on. But for what I think was the first time, I heard “What qualifications do you have to teach your children?”

Oh.

Please read the rest of my latest Heart of the Matter Online article here.

The Curse of Organization

How many times have you heard, or said, “A place for everything and everything in its place”? You know as well as I that this is a helpful adage. And getting it ingrained in your kids can certainly facilitate an easier clean-up time. Nothing worse than saying to your children “Please, go clean up the craft area” and then finding that everyone has merely shoved all the craft supplies in to the toy boxes and book shelves because there is no obvious spot for those items to be stored.

However, the problem comes when you get yourself so nicely organized, and you get a place for everything that you free up some shelf or drawer space. Heaven forbid you’d have an empty drawer! Heaven forbid there might be a shelf with nothing on it! Has this happened to you?

We recently moved to a house that had more kitchen cupboards than our previous home. I found that my kitchenware fit nicely into my kitchen with room to spare. Immediately, I found myself looking for more stuff to fill those drawers. Perhaps I ought to go buy some cases of baked beans and bulk spices to fill the pantry? Same situation in the bathroom. The previous owners had installed a lovely vanity with plenty of drawers. We don’t need all these drawers. I found myself wanting to race to the store to stock up on extra hygiene and personal care items just to fill the space. Just how many bottles of shampoo and conditioner does one need to have on hand at all times?

I changed the adage to read: “A thing for everyplace and everyplace full of things.”



Please read the rest of my latest article for Heart of the Matter Online here.

Irrational Fears 101

Let me tell you, if the Lord handed out extra jewels for our eternal crowns based on number of and sheer irrationality of one’s, well, irrational fears, my crown would be so sparkly and bejeweled that you would need to wear sunglasses to look upon me, and so heavy that I would need a brace to support my neck in order for me to lift my head.

Allow me to list a few of my irrational fears to prove that, in this area of life at the least, I excel.

I am afraid that...


Please read the rest of my latest article for Heart of the Matter Online here.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow....

There you are; sitting as a family in your only-just-enough-seatbelts vehicle. Driving somewhere just longer than anyone wants to go today. And it starts. Nothing major. No hitting. No shoving. No “Dad, she’s BREATHING on me.” Just small little verbal jabs. Just little changes in tone creating a more sarcastic, biting air. No one is fighting, per se. No one is looking to be vindicated by mom. Just tense. Just nit picky, irritated eye-rolling and sighing.

What’s a mom to do?

I’ll tell you what I did today. I thought about how much time the kids spend together. All seven of them. Crammed into the van. Sharing bedrooms. Three meals a day. All the same friends. All the same activities. School together, play together, work together, sleep together. Yikes! That’s a lot of time up close and personal with the same gang!

And I thought, maybe they’d be happier and enjoy one another more if.....


Please read the rest of my latest article here at Heart of the Matter Online.

VBS: an Encouragement to Homeschool

There are a few questions that, if I had been paid a dollar for each time I was asked them, would have made me very rich by now. I’m sure you’ve heard the same: “Are you certified to teach?” “What about socialization?” “What about Physics?” “You’ll send them to real school at some point, right?” and if you have a larger family “Are they ALL yours?”

But the real money-makers for me would be “You must be so organized” and “You must have the patience of a saint”.

Right.

Now, you are welcome to come to my house someday and see my snazzy bookshelves where the books are ordered by subject. You can see my attractive baskets, one holding all things adhesive, one holding all things that cut, and one holding all things that mom isn’t sure what to do with or how to categorize. We live by what we call “a flexible schedule” which means our days have a rhythm and an order, but with the freedom to stop for the diaper changes, the runny noses, and the unexpected friend dropping in for tea.

Sounds pretty organized to me.

Then comes VBS. You know, really, this is my worst nightmare. I have to allow myself to see my kids enjoy being taught by someone way cooler, significantly younger, doing messy paint-water-glitter-glue-sand-and-playdough crafts that, clearly, have no place in my home. To feel the pressure to live up to all that fun and frivolity come September is, in a word or two, painfully humbling. And totally unrealistic, but I digress.

But that ain’t the worst part, sister......


Please read the rest of my article here at Heart of the Matter Online, a great magazine/blog/brilliant amount of information site for homeschoolers.