Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Momma Bear

My first born, precious, vulnerable, so young, not yet wounded, unaware of how cruel the world can be daughter has her very first piano festival competition today. She's actually feeling pretty good.

I'm scared spitless.

Okay, I know my father-in-law is not a huge fan of that phrase so let me say it another way....I'm worried like a momma bear wanting to protect her little cub. She has been practicing so hard, and really is doing quite well, but under pressure I'm afraid she'll wobble. And I don't really care how she does on my end. I know I am going to be beaming at my wee girl and clapping louder than everyone else. Heck, I might even tear up a little (shocking, I know). But for her....oh if she fails or feels like she has, I hope she recovers.

My biggest issue (tied with a few others) is never having had (or felt like I had) the freedom to fail. To do your best, screw up, and go, "hey, at least I tried". Nope. Not me. Didn't matter how prepared or how pleased everyone was for me, I felt like I had disappointed the world and made an.....ahem, fool of myself. And then of course the opposite struggle that if I did well, then maybe finally people would like me.

I don't want that to be born into my daughter today.

So Lord I pray that you will guard my little Garbanzo Bean (she hates it when I call her that) from feeling the pain of failure, or the puffed up pride of success. Help her to see her performance today, however it goes, in the light of enjoying music, loving doing our best for You, and not finding 'who' she is in 'what' she does. (okay, and help me learn the same things too....I'm not too old to get it, am I?)

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