Convicted

If you intend to live an easy, quiet life, you ought not to pay attention at church. Or to your friends blogs. Or to your Bible. Or to the things your husband prays for you. Because when you pay attention to those things you either have to smarten up and make the change or you just feel junky trying to ignore the conviction in your heart.

Here is what I heard on Sunday (and has come up in many other forms during this week--yes, Lord, I'm listening) "What you love the most will define you". Put another way, "When others look at your life can they tell that you love Jesus the most? Over everything?"

Well well. Not so much. I'm trying to think about what people would say "defines" me. And as I'm thinking of their answers my eyes wander over to my "About Me" paragraphin my side bar and it would appear they are right. "7 Kids, Fantastic Husband". Yup. That's me. At my old blog I had something more spiritual as my profile thing and I was thinking I should change it because it sounded fake and didn't really "sum me up" the way I wanted.

What do I want? How do I want to be known? *I* know that I have 7 kids and a fantastic husband and a crazily happy marriage because of my love for Jesus and His for my family. *I* know that without Him my kids would number far fewer and they wouldn't be as nice and my husband and I would have just celebrated our 12th anniversary with a "well, at least we haven't killed each other yet" comment.

But. BUT does anyone else see that? I do think they would have in the past. People still come up to my parents, 12 years later, saying that my wedding was the most Christ-centered, God-glorifying wedding they'd ever been to. We started out with the right focus. And even up until the last couple years I might have been able to say "yes, I love Christ most and my life is defined by that love".

now?

Now.

Oh Lord, I have wandered far away. Restore in me my first love. Let it be obvious to those who watch my life and see my family that You are the Cornerstone. You are the Center. I'm sorry that I get so caught up in Your gifts that I forget to look at You. I want Your Face, not Your Hands. Bring me back to the start Lord. There is no way apart from that.

Now. How to word my new "About Me"...I'll come back to that.