A lady at church asked me once if I didn't think I was being very irresponsible for not seeking medical attention and prescription drugs as a cure for my Post-partum Depression. She felt I should have valued the "certainty" of pills over the "hope" of the gospel. You may remember from my other posts about PPD that how I was redeemed out of my pit was by meditating on the Word, choosing to believe in the promises of God as laid out in the Bible. The Psalms were certainly my most favourite spot to rest.
I have also said that I am grateful that I have never found myself back in that dark place, and very much would prefer to never return.
There was a closeness and a clinging to my Father that came through that time that I would not trade for the world. I have wandered away from Him and that utter dependence for every breath and every minute of survival. That I want back.
I listened to this sermon by John Piper and thought I would add a clip here as a picture of what my getting through PPD looked like in part, and what the desire of my heart ought to be even now, perhaps especially now, in my time of comfort and relative ease.
So what do you think? How badly do you want God? I know my wanting is, well,....wanting. Lord increase my hunger for you and my desire for you. Restore me to that place of You first and You only as my survival.
EDIT: I just re-read this imagining I was someone in the midst of the grip of Post-partum depression. A point needs to be added here in that case. If you are reading this and are today suffering and desperately looking for a way out, I in no way intend to make light of your state. I in no way mean to make light of your pain. I am still close enough to it to remember. What I would want you to hear from me is that right in the middle of that pit of despair is a Hope and a Freedom. That is what I found only in worshipping and following Jesus Christ. Are there times for medication or therapy? Sure. But even if those means get you out of your depression, they will not fill you the way only Jesus can. That was the true healing I experienced: not merely the removing of my pain and symptoms, but the vast freedom and hope and lightness and joy that only comes from the Father through His Son Jesus, and wanting Him and choosing Him above everything else.