Wow-ful Women Wednesdays

Now this week it will seem like I've broken my own rules about Wow-ful Women by posting a video of a mixed-gender trio. However, this is just to prove that I'm not bound by the law. :-)

So this is The Martins, a brother and sisters group who I adore. I've seen them in concert and have some of their CD's (except for their Acappella hymns Cd...my birthday is in November. Just sayin'.)

If you don't know anything about them, let me give you the highlights: they learned harmony by singing hymns with their mom, so really their mom fits the Wow-ful Women part of this too. At the concert I attended the sister wearing a red dress in this video (that's Judy) spoke of a battle with depression she once had which of course endears her to me. She is an entirely gifted Wow-ful Woman in her own right, although this video doesn't highlight that. I actually would love to exude the peacefulness and gentleness and lady-likeness that she does. Her voice and harmonies are exceedingly beilliant to me.

Anyhow, this video highlights Joyce, the older sister. And while I am seriously not as Wow-ful as she is in most ways, there is one area that will become instantly, visually obvious to those of you who know me in which I am just that Wow-ful. Perhaps even more so....leave a comment (even snarkily if you like!) if you see what I mean. Enjoy!




And since there are three people to listen to, I figure I should post at least 2 videos! This kind of singin' is what really gets me fired up. I.want.to.do.this.

I Think I Need To Fast

And although my weight would benefit from a food fast that is not actually what I'm speaking of. I think I need a talking fast.

Psalm 39 this morning made a lot of sense to me.

"I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle while the wicked are in my presence."

Yes. That is exactly what I need. A Talking Fast so I do not sin with my tongue.

Years ago I read a book (Personality Plus for those of you dying to know my sources) that suggested the sanguine types among us would do well to talk a whole lot less. It even gave a suggestion of how to do that. I practiced this method for quite some time. Ready for my secret weapon against sinning with my tongue?

Only say every third thought that comes into my mind.

I'm not even kidding. I totally counted it out.

So you are sharing something with me. It reminds me of a story I could share. But I don't. You share something else. I could share too. But I don't. You share a third thing: ah yes, here is my chance to speak...Unless of course I have now slowed down enough to censor my thoughts and realize that this will be a hurtful, prideful, tearing down, gossiping kind of sharing in which case I buy stocks in Duct Tape because really, that might just work better.

I'm not even really all that sanguine, but I don't know when to just let silence be okay. I'm working on that.

So next time you see me if I am doing a whole lot of smiling and nodding and not a whole lot of chatting, look at my fingers to see if I'm counting to three.

Shockingly, It's not all about me

In a world like we have today where we are constantly being bombarded with disgusting lies that it is okay to be self-absorbed, and being brainwashed by propaganda that we have to "look out for number one" it is easy to fall prey to this mindset that so long as I am happy (read: getting what I want) I will be more fit to make you happy.

That, my friends, is a load of bunk.

See, I really like this lie. If you don't take care of yourself you won't have the energy to take care of others. And to a point that is absolutely true. If I don't eat well and sleep well I will be a sick and useless woman unfit to care for my family. However, that does not give me the freedom to eat whatever, whenever, and sleep in to 8:30am under the guise that "I need my sleep". Yeah? Really? then go to bed at 8:00pm and get the extra hours earlier as opposed to later. (thank goodness for babies who wake up at 7:00 to be fed. A built in alarm clock! and for a husband who consistently rise early and motivate me to do the same.)

It feels good to have "experts" giving me fuel for my lazy gluttonness. "No, no honey. Mommy can't get play with you right now. I'm just taking care of myself so I have the energy to take care of you later,....which apparently does not include putting down my book to actually play with you. Sorry. You can wait".

Let me back up a bit: yesterday in church while we were leading worship, Tim says "Pray and ask the Lord to show you what it is that is blocking your view of Him. What is He asking you to do or to lay down so that you can see Him and serve Him better" (okay maybe that was a paraphrase not a direct quote: point is the same.)

So what do I hear? As (nearly) always "Barbara, you need to die to self. You need to get out of the way. You need to DO SOMETHING. Forget about Walk Across the Room. How about Get Off the Computer. Your kids, your husband, your friends, need you to look out for them and their needs. Your needs can wait."

Fantastic. *love* that.

I don't know about you, but this sounds like hard work. For me the actual work of it is not the hard part. The hard part is shutting up the voices in my head that are so choked up with the fear of man that serving man (rightly) becomes complicated. I've said before that I am the kind of perfectionist that gets paralyzed with the overwhelming impossibility of perfection so I don't even start. This is true with friendships, bible reading, mentoring my kids, ... I don't want it to go badly. I want to really excel. I see the necessity for excellence. But. but but but but but.

What if i disappoint you? What if you laugh at me? What if I fall hopelessly, obviously on my face? What if I paint a dreadful picture of the Love of Christ?

Maybe I'll just go back to bed. I'm a GREAT sleeper. That is something I can excel at.

But as I continue to mull this over and agree with the need to die to self all day, my husband calls me down to the computer last night and says "Hey, you should watch this with me".

Dear, sweet man.

He had no idea what I was working through. I had told him nothing of this reminder to get my head out of what is easy or comfortable and to actually DO SOMETHING for others instead of wishing I was that kind of a person.

We sat down together and watched this Piper sermon on Phil. 2:4 entitled "The Mind of Christ: Looking to the Interests of Others". Please watch it if you can find the time. It is brilliant.

My journal this morning is filled with these kinds of prayers:

Lord help me to serve my children with a joyful, willing spirit.

Lord let me NEVER make my children feel like they are an unpleasant duty I must "do".

Help them and me to see that while I do need to ensure that I am healthy and well enough to serve them (and they others) that that is not licence to be self-centered, appetite-driven, lazy people.

Help me to drop what I am doing (when it is inconsequential) joyfully to help them instead of eye-rolling, sighing, begrudgingly "well, Mommy is really busy right now, but I *guess* I can help you".

OH LORD!!! HOW DISGRACEFUL!!!

In our home we say that obedience is "All the way, right away, the first time, with a happy heart." Somehow I've stopped making that apply to myself.

I'll do it later. Just give me 10 (read 45) minutes. Do you really need that now? Can't you do it yourself? Ask your sister to read that to you. Can't you see I'm busy? Well, fine, yes I can play lego (insert "huff" and a book being dropped loudly on the table).

What is wrong with me?!

Oh yes, I remember. I'm a sinful, self-consumed, appetite-driven woman. Lazy. Wanting the benefits of excellence without the hard work of getting there.

Don't get me wrong: there are days that our home gets this beautifully. And OH HOW I LOVE IT!!! We all are so much happier, holier, nicer, more grateful, more useful, more spontaneously helpful.

Why can't I stay in that place?

Lord I pray for an increased desire to be the kind of person who sets aside my interests for the sake of others. Give me that heart that serves willingly, gratefully, above what was expected. Make me willing to die everyday for those in my care, and those you will bring through my doors and into my life. I hate that some of the godless people I know are more of a servant than I, who has the spirit of the Servant King within.

This is hard. I am scared to give up "my rights", "my entitlements". I don't want to feel deprived. Keep my focus on the end goal: to be like you and to show you to the world, and to enjoy the fruits of my labours in eternity. Give me the faith to say that I am willing to be poured out like a drink offering. I cannot do this. Only You can do this in and through me. Please let it be so.

Wow-ful Women Wednesdays

Well, I thought I'd add a fun little feature to my blog. I figure on Wednesday I will post a video of a female singer that I wish I could be as cool as. I have said before, and am only slightly embarrased about it, that I always wanted to be a rock star. So here will be my living vicariously through some seriously talented women singers.

I was going to call this feature "Wicked Women" but thought it might come up on some inappropriate google searches. Or "Women who really Wail" but that sounds like my Postpartum posts....

So we'll stick with my new word "Wow-ful". These women make me say wow. There will be a whole range of talent and style here. Some you will not like. Today's pick I know Kate will like for sure. We've talked about country singers. However, I know Tim has an aversion to "reality singing shows". I've never had the guts to tell him that when we had an antenna, I was slightly addicted to them (especially Idol and Rockstar: INXS...true confession time).

Without further ado, my first installment: I do wish I was this cool.





EDIT: As further proof of my lack of coolness, I just realized I posted my new Wednesday thing on a Tuesday. HOOO-EEE. I'm so clever.

Mary and Martha: An Opinion

Let me start by stating the obvious: I am not a Bible Scholar. I do not know the original languages of the Bible. My opinion I state here is just that: an opinion. And possibly not even a very well educated one. If you are still interested in what I have to say, read on. Otherwise, come back tomorrow when I post something funny.

You know what we all say: Martha was a type A, control freak, do-er, can rest kind of person, while Mary was the personable, relational, right priority kind of person. What if we are wrong?

What if, just what if, Martha was not rushing around while Jesus visited because she was so concerned with having the perfect house and nothing out of place, but because she was, wait for it, a procrastinator with a messy house who was unprepared for a visitor and was embarrased by the state of the nation so to speak and had to quick tidy up when Jesus showed up at the door.

Think about it: if her house was really all Martha Stewart all the time, when Christ came to call she would have just sat down with him for a nice glass of homemade wine. But no. He knocked on the door and I'm wondering if her first thought was "rats! I knew I shouldn't have sat down and read that scroll last night. I should have been putting a pot of soup on to cook and folding my laundry. Wait Jesus, don't come in here yet. You just stay in the living room while I quick go and hide the dirty dishes and wipe up the toilet seat."

Do you see this as a possibility? If I wasn't such a procrastinator my house would always be ready for visitors so I could truly sit and relax without apologies and regrets. As it is my place isn't bad. You really could drop in and I wouldn't die of humiliation. I may not be wearing makeup, but you could certainly find the couch and there would be a clean cup for your coffee. But still, I do have a whole lot of "oh there will be time for that tomorrow" and then the unexpected happens and I'm cooked and wishing I had done better.

I would love to say, Lord, that I'm all Mary and that is why I just sit and visit and be that kind of hospitable. I certainly am not like Martha the way we normally think of her. I am much more of an unprepared last minute Martha, unready for your appearance. Work diligence into my heart Lord. Help me to be an 'ahead thinker' so that I am not caught off guard when opportunities to serve You and others arrives.

How do you mean this?

One of my favourite hymns of all time is "O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing". You know this hymn right? "O for a Thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer's praise". Now we sing a new song at church with the same phrase in the chorus. Either way, it gets me every time. But I have recently learned that I don't think it means what others think it means.


Months ago when we sang it, our pastor commented that we would love to have a thousand tongues singing God's praise and there are at least two ways to get there: evangelism and having babies (that's a fairly loose paraphrase but I have the meaning right). Then recently our worship leader said a similar thing, wishing that we had thousands upon thousands of people filling our building singing God's praises (loosely paraphrased again).

I had NEVER thought of it that way.

Oh, I know. You are desperately wanting to know how I did think of it. I told my husband assuming that at least he had the same idea in mind, but alas, he was seeing it as I mentioned above.

Instead of seeing it as desiring for 1000 people all with one tongue each, I ALWAYS thought it meant "O how I wish I had 1000 tongues. Maybe then I'd have the ability to sing your praise as forcefully and completely and all encompassingly as I want". Do you see what I mean? How else do I explain this?

It's like wishing you had a bottomless bank account so you could buy your loved one a cottage in the Muskokas...every year.

Or wishing you could kiss your husband hard enough

Or hug your baby tight enough

to convey just how much you love them.

As another great hymn says "Were the whole realm of nature mine, that were a present far too small. Love so amazing, so divine demands my life, my soul, my all".

It is never enough. I sing my heart out. I worship in spirit and truth as much as I'm able and yet it doesn't get it out. In my chest at all times is a weight, a burden to express my love of God waiting to be expressed. If I could just get it out. If I could just sing louder, higher, stronger, prettier,....oh if I only had 1000 tongues to sing my great Redeemer's praise...maybe then I would feel like I had expressed my love for Him.

And the problem then becomes that as I feel like I have failed in completely expressing myself, I feel that I am actually lacking in love, or breaking fellowship with the Father, or growing complacent. Like unrequited love. He loves me so greatly and if I cannot return and convey a similar affection I worry He will take it as a sign that I do not desire to be His. Of course that is much more Shakespearean thinking than Scriptural, but the weight is the same.


"Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made; Were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade; To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry; nor could the scroll contain the whole though stretched from sky to sky. O love of God, how rich and pure! How measureless and strong! It shall forevermore endure the saints' and angels' song."

I suppose it can't really be done. But oh how I intend to keep on trying.

Convicted

If you intend to live an easy, quiet life, you ought not to pay attention at church. Or to your friends blogs. Or to your Bible. Or to the things your husband prays for you. Because when you pay attention to those things you either have to smarten up and make the change or you just feel junky trying to ignore the conviction in your heart.

Here is what I heard on Sunday (and has come up in many other forms during this week--yes, Lord, I'm listening) "What you love the most will define you". Put another way, "When others look at your life can they tell that you love Jesus the most? Over everything?"

Well well. Not so much. I'm trying to think about what people would say "defines" me. And as I'm thinking of their answers my eyes wander over to my "About Me" paragraphin my side bar and it would appear they are right. "7 Kids, Fantastic Husband". Yup. That's me. At my old blog I had something more spiritual as my profile thing and I was thinking I should change it because it sounded fake and didn't really "sum me up" the way I wanted.

What do I want? How do I want to be known? *I* know that I have 7 kids and a fantastic husband and a crazily happy marriage because of my love for Jesus and His for my family. *I* know that without Him my kids would number far fewer and they wouldn't be as nice and my husband and I would have just celebrated our 12th anniversary with a "well, at least we haven't killed each other yet" comment.

But. BUT does anyone else see that? I do think they would have in the past. People still come up to my parents, 12 years later, saying that my wedding was the most Christ-centered, God-glorifying wedding they'd ever been to. We started out with the right focus. And even up until the last couple years I might have been able to say "yes, I love Christ most and my life is defined by that love".

now?

Now.

Oh Lord, I have wandered far away. Restore in me my first love. Let it be obvious to those who watch my life and see my family that You are the Cornerstone. You are the Center. I'm sorry that I get so caught up in Your gifts that I forget to look at You. I want Your Face, not Your Hands. Bring me back to the start Lord. There is no way apart from that.

Now. How to word my new "About Me"...I'll come back to that.

Heard at my house

Setting: Driving in the car to finally get our Abeka

Players: My 4yo son C and my 7yo daughter A

C: A, I love you, and some day I think I'll marry you.

A: You can't. I'm WAY too old for you. And besides, I'm your sister.

C: Well, then who can I marry?

A: Not a sister.

C: Fine. I'll marry cousin C.

A: No. She's still related. And she's even older than I am.

C: But I don't know who to marry. It has to be a girl and it has to be a Christian. Who do I know like that?

Me: Don't worry about it. As you get older and it is time to start thinking about it Daddy and I will pray with you that the Lord will show you just the right girl to marry.

C: But do we know any girls that are Christians that I'm not related to?

Me: Well, there is always little K. She's a girl and she's a Christian.

A: Yah, and she's younger than you.

C: Okay then. That's it. When I get older I'll marry K.

Me: sigh. If only it was that easy.

O Barbara Where Art Thou

Sorry for the dearth of blog posts around here. I'd love to say it is because I've been busy playing with my children outside and gardening and welcoming the new neighbours to our block. Sadly no. I've just been watching the summer scamper through my life. I keep saying "In July I'm going to organize my units for the fall and in August I'll buy whatever last little bit of stuff I need to fill in the gaps."

Guess what. IT IS AUGUST!!! Over half way through in fact. I had kind of meant to start school on Monday (as in the 25th) but since all of my books are in boxes waiting for life to regain some normalcy after our getting new carpet (hurray! I have the best hubby in the world!) that start date might get pushed back a bit.

Still, I am intended on becoming a whole lot more regular around here. I'm slowly moving over all my old posts so if you have a favourite oldie you may find it in my archives.

The sadest part about moving over here though is that I can't (read: don't know how) to move over all your comments and that for me is the best part. So I may need to cut and paste a bit of what you've said over the years in to a Word Document just for my own pleasure.

See you soon. I promise!