Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I Love My High beams

You may remember my harrowing late night drive home I blogged about before. Well, that same route, in very different weather, shed some new light, pun intended, on my spiritual health (or maybe lack thereof).

This time the drive home was equally late, equally dark, and yet dry and clear (praise the Lord). I knew the hour drive ahead of me promised to be relaxing, peaceful, and uneventful. And so it was (praise the Lord again: I do still have 6 wee ones and a husband who need me...for something or other).

However, here is what I learned: even in excellent visibility I like my high beams. I like to see not only what is at the end of my hood, but also several car lengths ahead, not to mention wanting my periphery 'enlightened' as well. I'm not just meaning the lane to my left and the ditch to my right. I mean I want to see Bessie in the field having a late night grass snack. I want to see what man and his sons names are on the barn I'm passing. I want to see if that old farm house has a wreath on their front door (and if so what colour). I want to see lights on in living rooms and over kitchen sinks glowing to my left and right. I don't want to miss a thing. It helps me to feel "connected", or rooted. To see how my car in this exact square of real estate relates to all those other squares really helps me feel safe and in control (didn't I mention I have a problem with this in another post?).

Yes, I like the big picture. I suppose that is the problem with those snowy rides home when the flakes come down thick and heavy in that hypnotising, dizzying way. All you can see is from the windshield to that first flake...not far enough.

And then the Word comes to me. Sing along with me, if you know the tune: "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." This does not conjure up flood lights and high beams. This is not even one of those cool million candle strength flashlights Canadian Tire sells. This is a lantern, a beam, that highlights one step, then the next, then the next.

This is what the Lord calls us to, and this is what I kick against. Walking one step by faith, and then the next, not always knowing what is happening to the left and right of me. Not always seeing how what is happening to you affects me and vice versa. How does my kingdom purpose fit into the puzzle with yours? Don't I want to be all-knowing sometimes? Don't I want high beams from the Lord to show me the entire landscape of my walk with Him at once?

Oh Lord, give me the faith to walk one step at a time. To trust you to hold me safe even when I don't see how I'm connected to You and Your Body. To believe that exactly where I am right now is in Your will and that the next step You lead me to will be clear enough when I get there.

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