Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Why do I read things?

Sometimes I like to think that I can figure out the right thing to do with just my own 'smarts'. More often then not I'm wrong, so I ask my husband, because his smarts are based on the Bible, where mine are based on self-preservation and the desire to avoid conflict. So why today did I decide to read chapter 7 in a book I love called "Everybody's Normal Till You Get To Know Them" by John Ortberg. Sorry, onfire we might have to talk about this over tea before Friday...maybe you can help straighten me out. Do you have our brain this week?

Anyhow, here is a quote:

But Jesus is [scandalized by lack of love]. Love was His supreme value. His summation of the total teaching of divine revelation is captured in that single word: Love for God, and love for people. Therefore the greatest crimes against the Kingdom of God are crimes against love. To slander another human being, to carry a grudge against someone who I think has hurt me, to gossip about someone I have not even confronted-- these are direct violations of Jesus' fundamental command. Yet these behaviours go on all the time--even in churches. We are not shocked by them. We would be shocked if they suddenly ceased.

I am thinking about my homeschool group and my dissatisfaction with it. And my desire to run away and hide so I can just stay hunkered down with my little family. I am thinking about my issues with the group and the 'reasons and rationales' I have for wanting to quit, except I see now instead a whole lot of my bad attitude where I used to see justification for quitting. You see, any other day I would have read that aforementioned quote and said "yup. They are all like that. I'm outta there." But today I see myself in those lines too. Am I part of the problem? Of course I am. Am I obligated to stay and fix it or should I leave and be one less problem? I have no idea.

What I do have an idea about is my lack of love, and my need to reverse that. Lord, I do not have it in me, as is obvious by what overflows from my heart and out of my nasty mouth. So please come by Your Holy Spirit and make me a loving person. I want to see others the way You do, so I can love like You do. Somehow You love me, let me have that same grace for others, because right now, I clearly don't have much to pass around.

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