Tuesday, June 26, 2007


If I could supernaturally impart some character trait on my children RIGHT NOW it would be to always give their 110% without worrying about looking like a turd so that they can look back without regretting doing a half-hearted job.

Now I'm not saying I want them to go out and make fools of themselves attempting things that God has not gifted them for, but in areas where they are seeing some fruit or have been confirmed in their talents, I want them to go all out and give it all with out shame.

This little rant is coming after my just having watched the highschool musical version of Narnia that I was in 15 years ago. I was Mr. Tumnus and I did a fine job. I could have done a really really good job. And at the time I knew it. I was holding back out of fear of 'trying to hard' and looking like a fool.

Fast forward 2 years. I'm in second year university and my brilliant pastor has written a brilliant musical for the church family. I was in the chorus, and an understudy for a lead role, and I gave about 75% because I was new to the church and I was afraid that someone would look at this young 18 year old and say "who does she think she is coming in all diva like that?"

You can repeat this scenario two more times because said brilliant pastor wrote two more brilliant plays that I was in, and each time I watch them I can see and hear myself holding back. Intentionally. This wasn't fear of screwing up. This was fear of going all out and being mocked for that.

It's like the time our cell group was playing soccer baseball (where the pitcher rolls a big ball to the batter who kicks it and then runs the bases) and I was tired of always being the unathletic girl. So I decided that I was going to bunt the ball and then run like the dickens to get to first base. You know really give 100% and who cares if I'm out of breath when I get there JUST GET THERE and then you can recover because at least you won't get embarrased by being out JUST RUN and block everything out.....

And I did get to first base with out being tagged. Except the whole time I was pep talking myself while I was running, the rest of the cell group was trying to get my attention to say it was a foul ball and I was running (retardedly hard) for no good reason, only to have to go up to the stupid batter's box and do it again without looking like a turd. You know, doing the "oh yeah. I knew it was foul, I meant to do that stupid run like the wind routine. I was just warming up."


So, I've decided this:

Wheras I am skilled and gifted by God in certain areas; and wheras God is most glorified when I serve Him fully; therefore: be it resolved an enacted that I shall give my all each time I am asked to do somethng and I will care only what the Lord says.

Also: whereas I have not been skilled or gifted by God in certain areas; and wheras other really have been; therefore: be it resolved and enacted that I shall humbly and gladly step aside to let others perform to the glory of God where I am woefully unable.

Sounds like a plan.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yahoo to this!!!!