Monday, June 11, 2007

A Sunday Surprise (or how the smallest thing made the biggest difference)

Several of you reading this wee blog are aware of my baby dilemma (to conceive or not to conceive, that is the question? Whether tis nobler to have a 7th baby....okay I'll stop).

So yesterday I go to church. Very good. I'm doing okay. Haven't bawled like a toddler with his finger pinched in the door way for several weeks now. I walk in to the sanctuary and there is the young married couple that used to be kids in my husband and my Youth group when we led it a million years ago, and lo and behold, there is their week old baby girl in the carseat in front of them.

And here comes the lump in the throat.

You need to know that I just had been at a baby shower maybe 14 hours earlier with little impact on my emotions. But now this wee baby girl and her lovely young parents. I squated down beside her (which was a feat in itself) and placed my hand on her belly. Her entire torso disappeared in my grasp. She apparently is under 6 pounds right now. Just the size my 2nd was at birth...

I looked up at her parents and said, "Oh my word. I'm going to cry." At which point the father puts his arm around my shoulders and gives me a little squeeze and a little rub (for goodness sake's will someone tell the world that touching a woman who is about to cry only makes the tears come faster?) The thought of these two young people who I watched grow up, now married, now with a baby, really trying to follow hard after the was all too much.

And so I felt my heart well up with blessings for this baby and for this new momma and papa. What a wonderful path they are beginning down! Do they know what they are in for? How far are they willing to go down the path of self-sacrifice? Are they prepared for the joy and pain being parents is going to bring them?

And then I couldn't stop crying. The whole service was a battle to regain my composure. In my head my life long battle raised up again: Do I want another baby? What if I can't conceive again because of the complications after baby 6? Will I be devastated? Will I be relieved? If I have one more, does that mean I'll end up with 12? Am I willing to go through this again? Am I willing not to? How much does God require? What does "be fruitful and multiply" really mean? How far does a girl have to go?......

And on, and on and on andonandonandon.......

Congratulations Kate and Chris. She is beautiful. I just never expected such wee girl to have such an impact for the Kingdom already.

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