Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Mama Told Me There'd Be Days Like These

I'm so glad I didn't get a chance to post yesterday like I had planned because otherwise you would have missed out on one more stupendous thing that happened (or almost happened) on our wonderful Monday.

It all started out with Friday actually. Our 6 year old spent most of the previous night throwing up, unbeknownst to us. How exciting to think that she actually got to the toilet, actually used it properly, actually cleaned herself up, and DIDN'T wake us up! Okay I felt a little guilty about that, but not much since if she *really* needed us, she knew where to get us. I was taking it as a real sign of independence, maturity, initiative! Hurray for that!

The rest of that day she was pretty floppy on the couch, but wasn't sick anymore. Maybe that was it? A shortlived bug? Ah no. It wasn't meant to be. On Saturday two more kiddies started to look pretty wan. (this would be the 5 yo and the 4 yo). And indeed, Saturday night while my wee 9 week old baby was sleeping a beautiful, solid 10 hours (Praise the Lord!), both my hubby and I had 2 trips upstairs to take care of some barfing child. Great.

Now it is Sunday morning and we have a decision to make. To drive the hour to church with everyone or not? At least one of us had to go to facillitate a parenting course for expectant couples. I'm thinking that means Chris since I'd have to nurse a baby in there somewhere and miss half the sermon anyway (no offense Mike! Any chance we can hook those speakers up again in the nursing lounge?). But as we observe our kiddies they are playing at full strength, happy as clams, and quick to obey. Could it be safe to take them into church?

We are lulled into safety by their behaviour and jump in the car....early in fact. We drive to our local Tim's for a bagel on the road (dry toast is good for tummies anyway right?) and cross our fingers hoping for the best.

Well let me just say that, in this one occassion anyhow, it is a good thing that I'm too lazy to take the empty coffee cups up to the garbage can with me before I bring back the new coffee cups.....

Part way down the road Mr. 4 and Miss 5 are sharing a medium roll up the rim cup (not a winner, dont' worry) to empty their stomachs. Chris and I REALLY quickly finished our coffee so they could at least have an empty, personalized cup. (gross)

Don't worry. We did not take these children to infect the nursery. Instead we took them to infect the inlaws house! :-) I went with 5 kiddies to mom and dad's to let everyone empty out in a more sanitary fashion while Chris went to teach young soon to be parents about the peaceful joy of raising children. Oh the irony.

Somehow that did it. No more pukes. All day they were fine. They played hard, they ate lightly. We are good to go.....until the ride home when Miss 5 decided to use the starbucks cup that we had brought into the car just in case. No one wants to hear "Mom, the cup is full but I think I have to throw up again now" from the back seat. Nice. I wonder if that is part of the problem....4 children aged 9, 8, 5 and 4 all squished into the back bench....

And finally now onto Monday...over the night there was more upchucking from the 4 and 5 year olds, but it seems we are on the mend. Until I hear a little voice calling to me from the basement while I'm cleaning up from breakfast "Mom, I thought I had a toot, but now there is dirty in my pants". Never thought I would have to make a general announcement to the whole family like this: "If at any point today you think you need to toot, please run to the bathroom and do it over the toilet just in case, okay?" What would the Dr.Phil cameras think of that parenting technique?


As you may recall, Monday is one of two laundry days around here. And as you may recall I do at least 20 loads a week....that is without the flu invading my kids' sheets and underwear. Good times.

Now if you were me, wouldn't you have taken the hint that we are a sick house and should just pull down the shades, lock the doors, put on Apart From the King and drink gingerale?

No no, not this trooper. Glutton for punishment. "Oh it is so sunny and beautiful, and not quite freezing outside. The wind only is whipping at 30 km/h today....let's go for a walk"

Oh yeah. There's wisdom shouting in the streets.

So off we troop to the library. The library of all places. This haven of peace and tranquility where I have a reputation as a "peaceful" mom with "wonderful" children....

As we are studiously picking out books on Canadian geography and gardening, and looking for reading material that will challenge, yet encourage our new readers, and while 21m old V and the 9 week old baby are wowing Dear Mrs. Anne with their cuteness ....lo what bellowing breaks the silence:

"Mom! Mooooommmmmmmmy! Help! I need your help!" (this sounds like Miss 5, I think to myself, looking over my shoulder to see where she is).

"I think she's locked herself in the bathroom" says 9yo Miss M

Suddenly I discern that that would have been the least of our problems. I go into the bathroom to see what our J used to politely refer to as "ya-ya" all over the library toilet and all over my Miss 5's legs. "Look what I did. I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying. I didn't mean to. I don't know how it happened. " as she begins to cry.

And as she begins to cry I have what is indeed a supernatural intervention. Because instead of freaking out and bemoaning the fact that I'm an idiot for ever leaving the house and what is the Lord THINKING for giving ME of all people these chidlren to care for....instead of that, I carefully, quickly, lovingly cleaned everything up and gave my wee girl a hug. She says "What are you doing?" I say "Cleaning up" She looks at what that requires and says "Gross".

Yes. My life in a nutshell.

But it doesn't stop there. See that is where I would have ended had I posted yesterday afternoon. But still not having learned that Monday would have been a REALLY good day to stay home, I also went out to the grocery store last night. All by myself. At 7:00pm. Grown up time.

So I shop at Food Basics. This goes very well, very quickly, and for less cashola than I expected. Hurray for 88 cent cucumbers!

I think to myself: I should go see if Reitmans has any jeans on sale. I'm in a drama at my church on Sunday and I think I should wear jeans in it. I'd like a new pair for that. So I race to the mall knowing they close in 30 minutes. I apologize to the staff for being a last minute customer. They don't mind. I see a great pair of jeans for $17.99....fantastic. I try them on. My thighs look like sausages. Not going to happen. How can I expect the congregation to hear from the Lord through a drama when the girl in the play looks like breakfast meat? So right quick I take them off (trying to get out before the staff thinks I'm going to make them work overtime) put on my shoes put my hand on the change room handle and start to turn it when Praise the Lord I realize something critical...

I did not put MY pants back on.

Wowsers. Now wouldn't THAT have been great. Imagine the headlines "Crazy woman who had 7 kids in 9 years snaps and becomes and exhibitionist in Reitmans"....

Oh it is good to laugh, especially at myself. Thankfully no one threw up last night, nor did they have any spontaneous anal emissions. My laundry from yesterday all got washed so today I can get the kids to help fold it and put it away.

School will happen, life will happen, and somewhere in there I'll have a cup of tea and nurse a baby 7 times. I'm happy with my life, no matter how weird it gets!

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