Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Something to think about

My kids think I'm awesome. I mean, I am the cat's meow, I hung the moon, I hold their very universe together. I can DO anything. I can FIX everything. I can COOK better than anyone. I can READ with great emotion. I can SING like an angel. I can JOKE like a stand-up. I can HUG the tightest. I can TEACH like, well, a teacher!

They LOVE me! They think I'm the berries. They think I'm a ROCKSTAR (okay, they've never actually used that phrase but I've always wanted to be a Rockstar so I had to slip that in there).

On a fairly regular basis I hear them say "You are the best mommy ever!" "I'm so glad you are my Mommy" "You are the most perfect mommy in the whole world." "You are the greatest mommy I have" (of course that one isn't quite so flattering...and no, my husband does not have a ranch).

Ay, there's the rub: They are woefully misguided. I was going to call them liars, but that sounds harsh and they aren't intentionally lying. Rather, they are simply misinformed regarding the excellence of mothers and are deluded by their emotions for me. I know they are wrong about just how superlative I am.

Ay, there's the other rub (hmmm...that didn't sound nearly as Shakesperean as I might have hoped): If I continue to mope around my house bragging to the walls how dreadful a failure I am and belittling myself for the lack of hard work and my lack of good attitude and my lack lack lack lack lack then what kind of expectations and standards are my poor girls going to have for themselves?

They say "You are awesome": I say "I stink". So they see 'perfection' but hear this woman they adore say "who I am and what I do is not good enough". They will begin to think: "If my MOM wasn't good enough and I think she's awesome, then what are the chances I'll ever be able to succeed as a mom?"

Do I really want to heap that burden on them? Do I really want them to live under the guidance of a woman who constantly exudes an aura of incompetance and discontent at who God made me to be? And what if they read my self-described failure as being a result of my God being too weak to make me a decent mother and wife?

Lord I want so much to work and live as you are calling me, in your strength and by your standards. Help me to have the humility to say "I am a good mom". And help my girls see that you will strengthen them, and you are strengthening me, to do all the tasks you have in mind for us.

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