Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Where's the off switch?

Oh Lord, I clearly remember being 4 or 5 years old, living in Churchill Manitoba, laying awake in bed and telling my mom the reason that I was not asleep was because I "couldn't turn my thinker off".

I'm there today Father. Rather, I've been here for about 2 weeks.

Useless hurtful damaging fearful wasted thoughts circulating continuously. You created me: where's the off switch?

There's that verse I honestly do not understand: 2Cor. 10:5 "We destroy arguements and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ" ...I'm just barely starting to get this (I know it isn't rocket science, but there is a serious block there in my brain. The ESV translation helps to make it clearer).

But I stop: I confess and pray over my useless thoughts. I redirect. I distract myself. I intentionally say out loud the polar opposite of what I'm thinking.

And then 10 minutes later (if I be so lucky) the thoughts are back with friends.

I sit with the Word knowing that It is my only escape: nothing. Just letters on a page. I know it is I who have walked away from you recently Lord. I have broken the intimate fellowship. You have not left me. You are waiting. And yet when I come back to You, there is so much thinking and so much ground to recover that I feel like I'll never get there.

So today Lord I ask that you will plug my ears to all the noise of my brain, and only clear my heart to hear from You. Show me the off switch to my thoughts, so that I can concentrate on hearing Your voice.

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